I smashed my finger last night… basically shutting the door on my finger like a clumsy four-year-old. I heard you get clumsier later in pregnancy, but I haven’t done something like that in ages. The pain is ridiculous!
Pregnancy has been easy for the most part. It’s also been fun – feeling baby kick around, doing somersaults, letting hubby feel the movements from the outside. I’ve watched my belly grow and grow, and it’s been so amazing watching the transformation.
Let’s be real though here. My body has changed. It’s different, and it will never be the same. You hear these things from other moms, and you read it over and over again in countless places. There is something about actually living it that makes it still so unusually shocking. I finally went shopping the other day, and I felt so frustrated with how everything looked. When I got home, I looked in the mirror, and I suddenly felt something so unsettling.
I had a girlfriend over for dinner today, and it was so great to talk one-on-one with someone who’s been there. I get it now. I get why moms tend to gravitate towards other moms. I get why the responses of friends who have never been pregnant are absolutely nothing like the responses of friends who have been pregnant. It’s a full-blown experience talk and, in the situation of pregnancy, nothing trumps actually experiencing it. I think back on things I’ve said or done with my pregnant family and friends, and I feel like I just kept putting my foot in my mouth. I had no clue at the time, but… I get it now. I totally get it.
Back to the mirror situation, well, I cried. It was my first time crying during the pregnancy because, for the most part, I’ve been overjoyous about every single change. For some reason though, negativity hit me like a bag of bricks, and I guess when you’re overflowing with hormones, once the waterworks start you have hard time stopping! I stopped feeling pretty. I stopped feeling beautiful. I started to feel more like a blimp. Oh, is this how the third trimester has to start?
I feel a lot better now, but that moment felt pretty surreal. I think it was a moment of acceptance because perhaps I kept pushing things aside and just absorbed the peace and happiness of the second trimester. With the bump being more pronounced now, it gave me the opportunity to really absorb everything that was happening. With a bump this big (and still growing), there was no where to look but the future. Now, however, I know it’s more important to look at the moment. These precious, precious moments.
My friend told me accepting her new body was definitely hard, but it’s in the moments that you see your children smile and do the darndest things that make you feel like every struggling moment of pregnancy was worth it. It’s basically accepting a new life. It’s true. I get more exhausted nowadays, but sometimes he’ll kick and I’ll forget why I’m so tired. I imagine his face and his little fingers wrapping around mine. I mean, she mentioned how adorable it is when this little person who looks like you smiles and shares a spit bubble at the same time. Same difference, right? Haha. It’s a new perspective. Slowly but surely learning to accept the entire package of these changes yet to come.
Pregnancy is definitely what you make it, but there’s no denying that some days may be harder than others. I find that hanging out with fellow preggo/mommy friends gives me a calming peace of reminding me that I’m never alone.