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Love+Marriage

Newlyweds No More?

I can’t believe how quickly time has flown.  I’ve been married for 8 months now, and we are leaving for our first big vacation in a month!  I’m so excited.

I must say the marriage part was easy for the first 6 months, but with the honeymooner spell settling, we’ve found a few things to become complicated.  I don’t mean this in a bad way at all; I mean this moreso like there’s more learning involved.  I don’t believe it ever really ends, but that is besides the point.  For the first 6 months, everything is easy, and you just fly by the seat of your pants.  You’re really just happy knowing that you’re spending the rest of your life with this amazing person.  You’re really borderline addicted to that feeling.  Then, something happens.

Your perception changes.  Love changes.

It’s not bad.  It’s good.  It’s different.  I’m not sure what the right words are, but I like it.  Some people may call it “reality.”

Intimacy used to mean being close — cuddling, spooning, eskimo kisses.  Then it became sharing, story-telling, and the like.  Today, intimacy has become the art of making each other feel understood and accepted.  Reaching this point has helped us let go of some frustrations, and it has taught us what our newfound married life is all about.  I suppose this is where having a solid friendship comes in, something we may have brushed aside while we were on our honeymoon high.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

Don’t get me wrong.  The canoodling is definitely still important in a marriage, but it’s evolved into a more romantic aspect of the relationship.  I’ve come to realize why older couples aren’t about PDA quite as much, but they are still so in love.  I’ve realized that when you can teach yourself each day to understand each other and accept each other, that’s when this unheard of sense of intimacy takes over.  This is a different, married kinda love.  Yes, a part of you will definitely miss the dating life, but just like anything else we reminisce about, it’s in the past… and there’s no time better than the present.

At the end of the day, here’s my thought.  Live with anyone for years on end, and you can teach yourself to reach this sense of intimacy with each other OR you can choose to simply be tolerant and potentially resentful of each other.  Not to say I believe this feeling of enlightenment that I’ve had is the answer to all marriages (considering I’ve only been married for 8 months… we still have Kim K beat out so far), but it’s definitely a realization I felt worth sharing in case you get lost in that honeymoon bliss.

Don’t lose sight of your friendship.

Priorities have shifted and we’ve got a lot more on our plates, but we still got the love.  It makes everything possible.

Beach day at Zuma.  Yes, there’s a filter.
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