Love+Marriage, Reflections

Finding My Real Sense of Home

My sister turned 20 today.  It kind of brought me back to when I was 20, especially considering that although she’s just beginning her 20s, I’m just about at the end of mine at 29.  It’s amazing how life changes in 9 years.

I remember having so much drive and passion and desire to take over the world at 20.  I was constantly wanting more – more work, more pay, more education, more clothes, more friends, more everything that made me the best.  I never was “the best,” but needless to say, I kept myself busy.  My weekend and weekday schedules were packed, and I was constantly on the go.

Somewhere around 24, after I had met my now-husband, I took a deep breath and decided to let go of a lot of these worldly wants.  There was something so beautifully organic about our budding relationship that made me rethink my needs in life.  I realized that everything I was doing was all a source for outer joy, which left me neglecting my own inner joy.  I didn’t really give myself a moment to think in a quiet room about the things that truly made me happy.  What gave me peace?  I guess this was the part where I flipped a switch.  I contacted people less, held on to just the ones I felt most dear to me, and focused a chunk of time into developing my relationship with Tristan.  I cut out hobbies that weren’t in my top 3 favorites and gave myself what I now appreciate the most — Time.  I slowed down.  I decided to finally stop and smell the roses, even though I always thought I was.

I’ll admit it wasn’t really a pretty picture at first when I decided it was time to slow down and practically “fall off the planet” for some people, but I do hope that as they’ve seen me grow into the woman I am today that they understand what direction I wanted to take my life.  I had to refocus.  It was hard to juggle and find the new balance in my life, but with the passing time, I’ve definitely found so much more joy and peace.  I’m still finding that perfect balance between all that is important to me, but then again I also feel this will always be a work in progress as life will just continue to evolve.

I think my last post pretty much represents how I feel nowadays.  Happy and simply at peace.  I’m home.  I have everything I need in life, and most of it is found in the peaceful, tender moments with loved ones.  It’s wonderful to finally be at a point in life where I’m not really seeking anything to make me happy.  Well, besides long walks on the beach and seeking out new adventures with said loved ones. 🙂

I hope everyone in their 20s journey finds their own way to this peace and happiness that feels endlessly like home, whether it means in your 20s, 30s or beyond.  It’s been a journey, but there is still so much more left in store.

“We may act sophisticated and worldly but I believe we feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home, a place where we belong and maybe the only place we really do.” – Maya Angelou

Happy birthday, little Seastar.  I hope some of these words resonate with you in the years to come.
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