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Motherhood

A Boy’s First Love

Just a little story from about a week ago.

It’s 10:28pm.

I’m fiddling around on my computer when I start to hear a faint cry upstairs. Your dad went to bed early with you. Apparently you woke up a few times earlier, so when I heard the crying I knew my “me time” was up. I started shutting everything down and then I get a text from your dad. “He’s crying for you.”  I figured. I head up, brush my teeth at the speed of light then come to your rescue.

A few days ago you got sick. We’re not sure exactly what you caught, but I’m just going to say day care because that’s where I suspect it came from. Or me. I’ve been sick for some time. Anyway, when you’re sick you cling to me like oxygen. Nothing seems to calm your fears or quiet your mind like snuggling up to me.  I’m not kidding. You seek comfort in me when you’re not feeling well, and your need for me fills me up like oxygen.

I just want to remember this.

Your head is nuzzled in my neck and body curled up in fetal position with your little feet pressing against my legs. At times you still lie on my chest and your breathing slows. It’s like your heart just melts into mine.  At times you still can’t manage to sleep so you roll off my chest, then at some point you roll back on for comfort.  And then, you do what makes me feel so complete, that reminds me of the 9 long months I carried you and hoped for.  You quietly look up into my eyes with the most loving and wholesome gaze as if to say “I love you.”  It’s the same look your daddy gives me.  Someway, somehow, that single moment explodes into a million, and I start to think of you 5, 10, 20 years from now.   I hope you still look at me from time to time in this same way because I’ll think of moments like this fondly every day.

I never fully understood why some people tend to say that a boy’s first love is his mom. I always thought it was cute and sweet, but I realize now that there’s so much depth and reality to it.  There’s a connection there that just can’t really be put into words.  I get it now. I totally get it now.

This bond between mother and son; oh, how I hope this lasts a lifetime.

“And she loved a little boy very, very much even more than she loved herself.”

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